He told me that intelligent men test women.
He said that if a man doesn’t test a woman, it’s probably a sign of disinterest in getting emotionally involved, or he’s inexperienced in relationships. Not to offend. It’s just the way it is.
I once discussed the topic with my husband.
Often women are so willing to do whatever it takes to be with a guy. Being the emotional creatures we are, we can be daft like that.
Men know it.
They use our vulnerability to their advantage until they know what they want from us. Sometimes, men will even use our devotion beyond said knowing because they know that many women give all their power to love. And that we all too easily give away our sense of self-worth and confidence. They may think we present ourselves as more on the surface.
Some men test women to discover their depth, strength, and boundaries and see what they can and can’t get away with.
All of this is fine.
During the early stages of a relationship, you go through that part where you’re both feeling the other out, connecting, and learning from each other to see how you fit as a serious potential. But unfortunately, many men will continually test a woman long after they’ve made up their minds about the relationship, keeping her around when it suits him. Like when he’s horny or bored.
And he has strategies.
He plays mind games and uses cheap tricks.
Whether or not a man is sincere, the entire “testing” process can feel like you’re being kept in the dark while he eats cake.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
You can eat cake, too.
If you’re tired of playing along with his tests and feel you’re always on the loser’s side, your man is dominating your mind. So it’s about time we figured out how to beat our men at their testing games.
Women can learn how to play their own hands.
Here are three “swinging dick men tests” and how women can get the upper hand in the game.
#1. Heads & Tails Test
Suppose he initially wants to find out if you’re a short-term fling or long-term material. Next, he needs to know what tails you’re dragging, how heavy they are, and whether you’re worth the effort it takes to share the load before he commits.
In the meantime, he’ll freely take the head.
And the tail.
For example, I was a single mother of three children when I met my husband. He was childless and fancy-free with travel plans on the horizon.
I had a three-kid heavy tail.
My stepfather reminded me of that fact all the time:
“No decent man will want you with three kids, Kim.”
“Wow,” I’d say. “Thanks for the positive pep talk.”
But here’s the thing: I wasn’t looking for a man. I was too busy looking for myself.
And that is the key for every woman dealing with a man who tests her tail-load. You don’t need to “fix” yourself before a new relationship, but knowing yourself will keep you on track to getting what you need and want from a partner. It will also save you from becoming stuck in something toxic.
He has to be remarkable. It has to feel right.
Play your hand.
Like “smart men” who test women, we need to be just as selective about who is worthy of our time and hearts before we love too hard and fall too deeply. And ideally, before we find ourselves in the bewildering emotional throes caused by a man using strategic tests to uncover the value of our status or worse, keeping us dangling without intending to make good on love.
Remember: No one shows up in a relationship without baggage. We all have tails.
Mature women need a mature and responsible partner to embrace their baggage (and vice-versa) entirely or flip right out of the picture, honey.
You don’t need a man to flip your coins.
You need a man on the same coin.
#2. Tug-o-War Test
Are you kind, caring, and plain lovely?
They’re great qualities, but some men will take you for granted if you’re too willing to do anything they ask. They’ll begin to see you as a mother, a sister, or a doormat, and that’s not a zone you want.
Men who test women usually look for confident, mentally tough women who know what they want.
He wants to see how many curve balls he can throw at you and how much you can hold your own.
He wants unpredictable.
He usually admires a headstrong woman who is determined in her beliefs and fights passionately for what she wants, so he’ll push through to find out if you’ll put him in his place.
He’ll pull a woman’s strings and test her strength, with an end goal to see how she handles challenges and situations and how much she trusts herself in addressing those issues.
Play your hand.
Yes, it is true that men like the thrill of pursuing a woman who knows what she wants out of life, but if you know he is playing mind games with you, call him out.
He is still playing mind games if he tries to make you feel bad for doing this or turns it around on you. And frankly, it isn’t a quality that someone who truly cares for you would have.
Men who are not upfront about what they want or don’t want are their own (and your) worst enemies. I don’t know about you, but I prefer to know where I truly stand with a man than waste both our times in some power-play stupidity.
If, on the other hand, your man is sincere and can handle the heat of a woman’s love and emotions, his desire to want a strong woman goes down to a deeper level. Men are pretty sensitive creatures under all the dick swinging.
He may want to know that, deep down, it’s not all on him.
A woman must know he can show up for her with quality love, matching her own. She needs to know that he is confident in making his own life decisions and won’t renege on her when the shit hits the fan.
It brings a sense of equality and trust to the relationship.
#3. Poker Test
How much do you honor yourself? How much do you treasure yourself? Are you going to set boundaries?
Are you going to call him out when he acts like a jerk?
The silent treatment. The guilt-tripping. The gaslighting. The yo-yo games.
It’s the round of poker you never asked to play. The one where a man has unknowingly seated you at a table, testing you because he wants to see what he can get away with and if you set clear boundaries.
If you value yourself, you will set boundaries.
When you set the boundaries, he learns that he can trust and respect you.
And let’s not be fooled by a gorgeous smile — he knows what is appropriate and what’s not right.
He is aware of the lines he oversteps and wants to see which poker love hand you’re willing to accept.
“How long will she wait for me?”
“Will she do my laundry?”
“Cook for me?”
“Keep coming back when I disrespect her?”
It’s an ego thing too.
Men need to feel that they are wanted and adored. They often achieve that goal by playing mind games with women. It also gives them a sense of power.
Play your hand.
If a woman constantly seeks reassurance from a man and relies on him to make all the decisions, or he learns that she will never speak up for fear of rocking the boat. That’s when he will not trust her because he can get away with whatever he wants.
You don’t want this.
It means a loss of respect.
And dignity.
Because it’s far too easy to get a clingy and needy woman, wise men (the ones you want) go after women who ooze confidence and don’t tolerate any BS.
Chasing a strong woman is right up their alley, so a woman needs to play her hand in love:
Her Queen of Hearts to protect her precious heart.
That means that when he tests how valuable you are, you’ve got to remember that you are a queen — treat yourself like one — be confident in your feminine and assured with who you are in-between space.
Never entirely unkind or too much of a tease, though.
Please give him a little, set boundaries, and take things slowly.
Just enough to keep his interest perked — if it turns out he is a keeper, that is.
He told me that intelligent men test women.
I told him that more brilliant women play their own hands.
But aren’t we all getting a little tired of playing the wrong games?
Real love doesn’t need a test.
It just needs you to show up, honestly.