I won’t lie. I have a dyed-in-the-wool instinct that compels me to gravitate toward a man comfortable in his own skin. Someone confident and with essence who knows how to play and engage with the delicate yet fierce layers of my being until I become dynamic sensuality. I’m talking about the kind of man who possesses just the right amount of sexual authority to tap into and handle the creative chaos within a woman. The type of a man who is in the frequency of his manhood. If that sounds odd in the eyes of some, then so be it.
But I’m not the only woman to feel this way.
When it comes to the bedroom, most women want a sexually dominant man — so does that mean gender equality is just a fantasy?
Let’s unravel.
The old cliché.
It’s no dirty secret that women have long desired the “tall, dark, and handsome” type. So much so that it’s become an old cliché. I’m not always a big fan of old clichés because they tend to betray a lack of original thought. Yet, there’s no denying that a cliché becomes a cliché when everyone says it.
Everyone says it because it’s become a widespread “truth.”
Overused slogans and hackneyed lingo aside, scientific research not only confirms that heterosexual women tend to prefer partners who are taller than them, but they also lean toward a preference for dominance in men. Men who show physical strength, masculine facial features, strong-mindedness, etc.
When I say “dominant,” I am not referring to erotic BDSM practices or even the typical “alpha male” type that can harm other men, women, and society.
Not by a long shot.
Although that’s where the confusion is likely to set in because biological evolution has shaped women’s brains to prefer men who are taller and more dominant. It may have also helped shape our culture to convolute the distinction between traditional masculine norms — negative aspects of exaggerated masculine traits — and naturally masculine-embodied men — those men who have learned to master the inner dance with self.
In this case, a “sexually dominant” masculine-embodied man is a self-realized, high-value man and not an overbearing, egotistical, sexist-driven partisan.
He’s a far cry from our society-conspired, biologically based preferences that perpetuate cultural norms and place value on “bigger” dominance in men and slightness and submission in women.
That’s a cultural distinction geared toward gender inequality.
Our biology does not determine gender inequality.
Yet, women are hard-wired to want sexually dominant men.
Evolutionary psychologist Robert Wright said:
“Understanding the often unconscious nature of genetic control is the first step towards understanding that — in many realms, not just sex — we’re all puppets, and our best hope for even partial liberation is to try to decipher the logic of the puppeteer.”
(i.e. culture).
Evolution might determine a woman’s subconscious bias toward sexually dominant men, but evolution doesn’t obey principles of morality. It operates regardless of what is right or wrong or good for us. But we are more than a by-product of our biological preferences or the picture evolutionary explanations paint of our human nature. Our culture is not fixed, and it certainly doesn’t have to rigidly determine our behavior or render us incapable of acting otherwise.
Remember the old cliché betraying a lack of original thought?
Transformation begins with examining our minds to understand ourselves and gain the power to escape biology’s grip on us. After all, we are not mindless idiots jinxed to blindly oblige to our instincts and impulses without actively seeking truth, freedom, and self-sovereignty. Likewise, we do not have to accept our history as the source of our gender differences to determine our future.
For instance, women are subconsciously hard-wired to respond to sexually dominant men, but that does not mean that women want to be dominated in a controlling and harmful manner perpetuated by traditional toxic masculine values such as:
aggression
sexual aggression or control
showing no emotion or suppressing emotions
little empathy
too much entitlement
chauvinism and sexism
reactive
manipulative
insecure
emotionally unstable
dysfunctionally feminized
indecisive
power-hungry
or just plain unengaged
Sound familiar?
It should because I’ve just described a shitload of adult males walking around on the planet right now. Everyone knows the man who never grows up adheres to the accepted norms and treats every woman like some version of his mother. It’s enough to destroy communities and relationships and extinguish women’s unshackled freedom.
He is the deeply tormented, untrustworthy, and compromised man petrified to feel his own capacity. He is undoubtedly bypassing his place of true power.
His internal creative force.
“A gentleman holds my hand.
A man pulls my hair.
A soulmate will do both.”
― Alessandra Torre
Men aligned with their internal creative force are self-realized, high-value people. They possess higher values in themselves and usually other men in their circles, and an embodied woman can instinctively spot them a mile away.
Like attracts like, right?
High-value people recognize when other people are worth their time. They are self-aware. They are sexually realized. Have a growth mindset. Don’t seek to find their worth based on how others perceive them. And most definitely have an innate flair for communicating their values and standards minus the entitlement and mind-games so often present in the hyper-masculine sleepy type.
High-value men:
Have learned to balance a sacred internal union between fire and water.
Between penetration and reception.
Soul and spirit.
They are aligned with a frequency to feel their heart opening, generating patience, compassion, sensitivity, and a healthy capacity for love and reconnection to their role with a woman outside of traditional cultural norms and expectations.
A high-value man is:
closer to his divinity
embodied with his manhood
is stillness within the storm
knowing
present
deeper
connected
actionable in reigniting love and aliveness
Sound unfamiliar?
That’s because he is.
This rare creature is a man who vibrates at a positive masculine frequency and represents the energy a woman requires for more profound levels of healing, activation, turn-on, love, and peace. He understands his “sexually dominant” role with a woman is not about control but teasing and activating and rapturing her sexuality and femininity. As a result, he has developed a certain level of mastery in how he imprints upon her physically, energetically, and soulfully.
And she will taste him before he ever speaks a word.
So, is gender equality just a fantasy?
Hell, no.
Although, I can’t guarantee the same for the man described above. Honestly, I have only ever encountered a handful so far. I’m hoping that changes for myself, my sisters, and the world at large.
Just because male domination may be biologically natural for our species does not make it necessary between the sexes in the modern world. We know better. With awareness and understanding of the forces that have made us who we are, we can challenge the cultural norms that undermine those who don’t uphold the status quo. Likewise, we can nurture values that purposefully compensate for the flaws in our “human nature.”
Like the positive values mentioned above.
Taking conscious control. Getting what you want. Giving a woman pleasure while getting his own. Rapturing her feminine gifts. Making her thighs ache moist while locking eyes in public.
These are all the things a woman can look forward to when being with a man who operates at a higher frequency, which supports, nurtures, and complements her own feminine embodiment process — equally.
The truth is that some men realize the difference between handling the wild-hearted woman in the bedroom and traditional toxic male values carried through the bloodlines. Some men appreciate a woman’s equal role and can evoke her conscious chaos via his presence and awareness without using their masculinity as a “gender weapon” but as a conduit in generating greater spheres of love and gender equality.
And every woman knows we need more men like that.